What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm both gender and math confused
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
