Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
