Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
