Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
