chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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