About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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