real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.