They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes