I'm eating all of the evidence.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
