I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.