Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
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hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.