apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
