she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You pole danced in your parka.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
