Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
