Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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