benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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