is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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