I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
