Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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