maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
