And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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