my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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