mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
