Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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