Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize