I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
