I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
