my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
