Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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