If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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