Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
