He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
