Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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