walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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