You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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