I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
