why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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