Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
