Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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