i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
