I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
