i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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