i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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