Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
