You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
