our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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