in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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