Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
