new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
