I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
