I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
