holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
