I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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