maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
