would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
