Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
