if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
