Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
