I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
