do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
