He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
