you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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