how can u be prego again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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