My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
