This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
