I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
