we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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