I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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