If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Buhtt sex?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
