she woke up with a sticky ear
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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